Breeanna Thames, LISW-CP

Parenting is one of the most rewarding aspects of life, but it also comes with challenges to navigate, from sleepless nights with a toddler to dealing with a teenager being bullied. Adding in work, scheduling, financial strain, relationship challenges, and other daily stressors and responsibilities can leave you and the kids feeling overwhelmed.

While a healthy amount of stress can keep us motivated and on track, excessive stress can lead to burnout and negatively impact both mental and physical health over time. Research shows that 48% of parents with children under age 18 report their stress is “completely overwhelming” most days. If you’re feeling stressed about your family environment, know you are not alone!

If you constantly feel frazzled without an off switch, react to stress in negative ways, or find that one of your kids isn’t handling life well, it’s important to slow down and analyze what’s going on. Signals of stress to look out for in yourself or family members include fatigue, irritability, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, and changes in eating or sleeping patterns.

Take time to evaluate your home and work environment, family schedules, your stress levels and how you manage them, as well as your children’s stress levels. Instead of harsh judgment, adopt a more objective approach and implement small, sustainable changes over time. Cutting back on busyness and developing effective coping skills can help you and your family members reduce stress levels and find more moments of peace and contentment.

For Parents

Societal and cultural pressures encourage parents and kids to adopt a non-stop lifestyle. It can be tough to slow down, but you don’t have to do everything or please everyone. Check in with your values and decide what’s truly important.

Create a community of support. It takes a village, and each family member needs their own unique type of support. Explore available options, including extended family, friends, sitters, after-school programs, community centers, and churches. Ask for help when needed and tag-team to conquer and divide tasks such as picking up, dropping off, errands, meals, and cleaning.

Plan downtime for yourself and the kids. Overscheduling can feel normal for many families, but it comes with a cost. Aim for a healthy balance of work, school, extracurricular activities, downtime, and family time. Scheduling time for rest, fun, and relaxation is essential for overall health and well-being. Review schedules and figure out ways to cut back when it’s too much.

Become more mindful and self-aware of how you’re behaving. Do you fly off the handle? Are you overcritical or negative? Learn how to be a non-reactive parent by pausing when emotions begin to take over. Take a breath, or explain you’re not ready to talk, and walk away for a moment until you become calmer. It takes time to analyze and redirect thoughts to change habits, and no one is perfect. Aim for objectivity and analysis of your thoughts and behaviors, rather than judgment, guilt, and shame.

Be a positive role model. Kids notice everything, and your behavior and attitude speak louder than words. Prioritize your physical and mental health, even in small ways. Taking a 10–15-minute walk, grabbing coffee with a friend, and finding moments of gratitude can all enrich your life and help bring more balance and calmness.

For Kids

Children have their own stressors, pick up on their parents’ stress, and learn to model their reactions to stress in the same way their parents do. Help them learn to manage their stress as they grow and develop. Children and teens also need structure, support, and consistency.

Help kids learn to problem solve. Kids don’t arrive in the world knowing how to schedule, plan, organize, or prioritize. Talk about problem-solving for tasks, homework, and chores. Encourage them to ask for help and collaborate on tasks, such as asking a sibling for assistance. Let them know they don’t have to be perfect or do things all at once, and that mistakes are normal and something to learn from.

Set up “systems” for kids. Having different systems in place can help with school-related tasks and household chores. Help kids learn to organize homework, write out a plan of action when a report is due, or make flash cards to help study for a test. Develop a chore chart with step-by-step instructions to follow. Adding pictures, such as a trash can for emptying trash, can be helpful. Show them how to complete each chore, assist until you know they have it, check in regularly, and be consistent. Parents report this is the hardest part, but it is key to helping kids learn consistency.

Listen and talk openly. Discover what stresses your child. Many kids express anxiety around things like school, social settings, social media, culture, appearance, and medical appointments. Help them build awareness of where thoughts are coming from, and connect the thought to an emotion. Aim to be non-judgmental and instead explore, analyze, and discuss options and strategies to help them learn to redirect their thoughts and problem-solve, lowering stress and anxiety.

For the Family

Set limits for the entire family on screen use. Too much time on screens is linked to anxiety, depression, anger, attention problems, language delays, lower grades, and less physical activity. Set a limit on screen time for yourself and your family members, and establish screen-free zones, such as at the dinner table and before bedtime.

Learn stress management and relaxation techniques. In stressful moments, calming the mind with relaxation and grounding techniques can help reduce stress and anxiety, as well as calm the nervous system. These techniques help focus the mind away from stressful thoughts, release tension, calm emotions, build resilience, and lower heart rate.

Breathwork activates the relaxation response, is easy to do, and can be done anywhere. Taking several slow, deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth, is the simplest method. Other breathing exercises include:

• Square breathing: Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for four, and hold for Repeat this at least three to four times. Younger kids can use a finger to draw a square in the air, or walk in a square as they breathe.
• Dragon breathing: This is a more energetic type of breathwork for bigger emotions, like anger or frustration. Take a deep inhale through the nose and push a forceful ‘HAAH” breath out through the mouth to “let out the fire.” Kids can also “flap their wings” like a dragon during this breathwork.
• The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique entails saying five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• The category theme game is another technique to distract the mind from worry. Choose a category of interest, such as movies, superheroes, cars, food, colors you see, or things that start with a certain letter, and say or write as many as you can think of.

Develop stronger connections with regular family downtime. Find fun activities to enjoy together, such as theme meals, movie or game nights, walks, bike rides, scavenger hunts, picnics, or vacations. Creating good memories as a family not only strengthens bonds but can also increase confidence, self-esteem, and feelings of security in children.

If high stress starts to interfere with daily life or overall health, consider adding therapy with a behavioral health counselor to help work through issues with a professional.

Stress ebbs and flows as we move through life. Working on stress management and awareness helps you enjoy life more and is an important skill for every family member!